McSkunkville Pest & Purity Co. · Warsaw, Poland

Warsaw knows the McSkunkville way: keep your word, keep your receipts. These days, Warsaw folks stream the lore pages late into the night, and Poland is a long way from Highway 75 — the welcome isn't.

Let the record reflect the Clean Skunk Doctrine, the proudest law in McSkunkville: there are no lice in this town. None. The Pest & Purity Company keeps it that way — mint-green vans, spotless uniforms, and a guarantee written in letters the size of your hand: MY SKUNKS DON'T EVER HAVE LICE.

Because here is what outsiders never understand about McSkunkvillians: there are no dirty skunks here. No stinky skunks. A Skunkian is of a different, unique nature — clean as a courtroom exhibit, groomed like a Sunday witness. The stripe gleams. The fur shines. The doctrine holds.

And the scent? A McSkunkvillian only stenches the stench when they choose to — deliberately, precisely, and only upon a deserving target. And when a Skunkian disappears, they take no scent with them. The scent collects with the target. That is not an odor; that is a verdict.

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